Rishta Aunties Unveiled
- Tabeer Tamsal
- Nov 24, 2023
- 3 min read
The Rishta culture is a poignant chapter in the kaleidoscope of Pakistani customs, interlacing societal expectations and familial ties, and numerous social, cultural, and family aspects are involved in this complex process of locating a life partner. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge is years old but, the fact that individuals can choose their life partners freely without hearing anything and have a happy ending has yet to gain significant traction in Pakistan. Even though we are getting a bit westernized now, the idea of Bumble and Tinder are not the apps your mom would want you to use, here the Rishta aunties come in between.
From perpetuating gender norms to promoting unrealistic beauty standards, Rishta aunties are considered a big omen of society. Some people term them ‘farishta aunties’ as they act as secret FBI agents aiming to find the perfect match for you by surrounding you with questions. They love watching a girl carry a tray full of biscuits and tea walk into the room. They love examining a young lady in the same way that a lioness observes grazing deer. They love investigating young women in the same way that a forensics doctor does a body in a mortuary. They love pointing out flaws in a women-too educated, too short, too chatty, too dark. They perpetuate gender norms by limiting individuals to their confined roles, toxic masculinity and submissive feminity are fostered here. Women are asked if their rotis are gol and a man’s financial standing is questioned. Mrs. Khan, a famous matchmaker of Pakistan openly claimed on national TV that the increased level of divorces was due to women not controlling their tongues and not making rotis for their husbands anymore. Though the video received considerable criticism but these still are the predominant thoughts of matchmakers here.
Rishta aunties also promote the Pakistans already prevalent obsession with fair skin as a desirable trait in potential brides. Women are often given (unsolicited) advice on getting whitening injections and slipped phone numbers of “skin whitening” doctors. Not only is this just incredibly insulting to the women who are subjected to it but also represents the racist perspective of beauty in the rishta culture. The rishta culture reinforces the expectation in our society that women should look like porcelain vases. If you don’t have fair skin and a body resembling VS model, you are screwed but if you still end up getting a rishta looking like that, you should be thankful. The rishta aunties also pressure individuals, emphasizing the importance of status and caste, overlooking the other crucial aspects like compatibility and friendship in a marriage.
Careem, a ride-sharing app now not only assists you in finding a ride to your location but also assists you in finding a companion to accompany you on future journeys!
They launched a Rishta Aunty Campaign saying “Bar kar forever alone ka naara ab status ‘taken’ ho ga tumhara! Careem offers you the ‘halal’ way to find the right person.” People woke up with “Your rishta has arrived” and the campaign aimed to assist one in the ride talk about marriage and potential partners.
Regardless of the stereotyping and problematic thinking, rishta aunties do serve as a mediator of initial contact between two families and help foster trust and understanding between two societies. However, encouraging a more inclusive and open-minded approach to beauty stands and roles in marriage can provide healthy relationships.